wow. its been a while. Took me a bit to remember my password to this account. um... yeah. I've never been good at these journal things... anyways, I have over 1000 messages to delete, sorry if I don't get back to your messages but I very rarely jump on a computer and then it's even more rare for me to use the internet for anything other than guitar tabs and gaming cheats. So an apology for inattention to all my mates who want to talk. Sorry.

In other news, I've moved back in with my Father. Things are slowly getting better. The cops no longer want to arrest me. For now...

I'm 19 today. Dad and my sister have given me a bottle of Irish whiskey. I'm already wasted, and I've been awake for maybe an hour. Dunno what I'm doing in the near future, but later tonight I'm going over to a mates place for a piss-up and a session. Now I've got a bottle of rum and a bottle of whiskey to take!

Probably update later tonight if I can be stuffed. If not,
Ciao

Same shit, different day.

There is a very high possibility that our new manager is going to move me out of the kitchen and into the front of house serving customers. This is news which made me feel relatively sociable, for some reason, so I went around to a friends' house a few days ago for a few drinks. That was at about... 9:30pm. Enter the pre-mix "wild turkey" and ginger ale, two bottles of; and several shots of whiskey (Grants 40%). Add a few spots of weed and you're in a strange state of mind.

Bored, we stumbled drunkenly down the road to the park for a joint. I fall off the swing, and we both find it hilarious and crack up laughing. Friend recieves a text from his girlfriend, (who happens to be staying at another friends house about a kilometer up the road), inviting us over for a drink. At 3:00 in the morning.

We figure "What the hell, we'll be maybe half an hour.

I remember sitting on their couch, the pillow jumping for my throat, and then my mate is shaking me awake at 5am saying "We gotta go man, her Dad is coming and he's pissed!"

Sprinting when hungover and still feeling the effects of weed is not fun. However, everything before that was a blast. I'm going back to his place tonight for another few drinks when he finishes work. Should be ok, right? I'll be home... early.
Probably morning.

Gods I love this place.

I'm putting my brain on holiday for an indefinate peroid of time. I have creative block, so I don't think many deviations will be forthcoming.

In other news, the parents are going away, and I've got about 11 days off work to sit about the house in a drunken, stoned stupor, watching random movies and eating noodles. I got a bottle of whiskey from mum and dad for feeding the cats.

I still hate my job, and am finding it hard to gain employment anywhere else. I tune out when I'm at work, and retreat into my own little corner of the universe in my mind.

Still alive, last time I checked, which was about a week ago.
Anyway, I might update my journal more often, if I get the time. It's not like anyone actually reads my journals, right? Who cares?

I taped a bunch of cardboard to a post so i can now hit that instead of people. I don't normally hit people, and to be honest, i don't like killing. killing in movies is alright, killing in games is alright, but i can't stand killing in real life unless its necessary.

(Be prepared: rant-likes ahead)

but I'm going to kill the next person who hits me in the face. with my bare hands.

reason:
when i was a kid, the face was the usual target for my drunk ma and her boyfriends. I had a serious complex about being touched on the face after that, but i slowly got over it.
then, my sister unexpectedly hit me in the face a while ago and it brought it all back. it sounds so weak...
anyway,
now, when i get hit in the face, my mind blanks out and I go slightly ballistic. so when my sister whips my eye with a teatowel, you can expect that I'm gonna snap, right? i twisted her arm behind her and did some violent yelling of profanities before i realised what i was doing and let go. I feel really guilty, i think i really hurt her and i didn't mean to and i couldn't control myself and my eye hurt and i simply wasn't thinkin in my head. my body took over and acted on instinct, and instinct currently tells me that being hit in the face is life-threatening. it's usually not, but my body seems to think i have a 90% chance of dropping dead if i get hit. so it reacts by disabling the offending partyso they can't hit me no more.

I'm sorry sis, i really really am, its not your fault and its not mine its a cock-up in my head which i suppose makes it my fault in the first instance. fuck. i honestly didn't mean it. please forgive me.